i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
DUDE, DID YOU KNOW YOU CAN JUST RENT AN ELEPHANT???
Oh God.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Randomize
