I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
Randomize
