Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
i broke up with my boyfriend last night because i had to eat a freezy pop in every color and he ate the last blue one. i sat on the floor and cried for an hour at least. everyone left. so i decided that this whole weed thing isnt really healthy for my relationships.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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