She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I'm really busy with my period
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