Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Randomize
