Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
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