Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
He crawled in my bed this morning, ate me out, and even brought me a panera deli sammie for lunch at school. I don't care what he lied about, all is forgiven him.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Randomize
