just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
