the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
I got her a Nickelback box set.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Randomize
