Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
My "birthday sex" consisted of approximately 25 seconds of him going down on me in the shower.
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Are these your boobs on my camera?
Just convinced the cute guy from class that I have prostate cancer. GET ME OUT OF THIS TOWN!
Randomize
