Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Nothing says male bonding like watching porn with your grandpa
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
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