At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
