goodnight i made you a song goodbye
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
Because bro, I don't want your dick being touched mid conversation.
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
