did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
