if i can run in heels then i can drive
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
And tell the hostess not to worry, she's narcoleptic and fell asleep on the way to the bar, but she'll be fine in a few minutes.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Within the first 2 minutes of this morning, I found out the Lions lost on last play, and Scott Weiland died. I wont be in today.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Randomize
