Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
Randomize
