babies were throwing up all over the place
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
