I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Randomize
