his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
And I got shut down by a ginger. It was a weird night
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
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