Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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