You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
