I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize
