Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
