woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I know this is a weird question but we both had pants on when my mom woke us up last night right?
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
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