Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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