I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
Dude, 1 prime defect in the snuggie- you can't fuck someone discreetly under a snuggie. No way no how
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
