Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
What happened to fro yo and sex?
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
Randomize
