just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
Randomize
