"it" just moved
Imagine two people making love on top of a unicorn . . . my life is the opposite of that.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Randomize
