i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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