I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
Randomize
