Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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