dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
Randomize
