Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
