I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Randomize
