Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
There are leaves in my underwear?
Randomize
