i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
i knew my hormones were back to normal when i went to ikea and didn't want to fuck any of the workers
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
