This gyro tastes like lonliness
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
Randomize
