I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
The prescription for my birth control just blew away in the wind on my way back from the health center. It's like god wants me to get pregnant
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
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