I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
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