Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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