lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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