Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
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