I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
