We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
i wish semen tasted like chocolate
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
In other news, I just burned my penis
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
