I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
He's worked out some sort of arangment where all three of them are dating each other and they've all moved into an apt. with two king beds pushed together
A true beacon of hope in these dark times
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
