whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
we are the best best friends ever. You had sex in an ice cream truck I had sex in a fire truck
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
