Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
I ate goldfish off your shoulder, I think we had bigger issues
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
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