I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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