and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
he made a bald eagle out of coke lines
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
