Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
