I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
My life is pants optional.
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