Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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