Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Instead of texting me to come over, she just sends me a batman symbol.
I don't care if she's a booty call. Marry her.
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
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