when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
We need to get me chipped asap
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
