I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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