jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
I wonder what it would be like to masturbate in space
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
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