you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
She transformed our coors light pitcher we stole from the bar into a fruit basket...
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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