Contrary to popular belief, while 19 is an attractive age, it does not equate to sexual prowess.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Randomize
